So often, we think that we have all the answers, especially when they concern an area of life in which we have become well versed. However, when it comes to emotions and matters of the heart, that is rarely the case.
- This wasn’t a Valentine, but it is an excuse to inhale liquid bubbles!
It seems implausible that it is a year ago that I wrote on these pages about St Valentine, and this modern ritual introduced very possibly by none other than Chaucer. I refer back to those words which I thoughtfully scribed exactly a year ago:
Of course, in its modern context, Valentine’s Day has a plethora of meanings to different people. For the romantics it represents an opportunity to illustrate their feelings, often with outrageous grandeur. For others, it is a symbolic day greeted with a card an a kiss for their loved ones, and for some an opportunity to gain the attention of the target of their affections, although I have no idea whose idea it was to do this anonymously!
The group of people that modern culture so often forgets is those for whom this day is an absolute chore, those who are single or away from their loved ones, for so many reasons. If comparing with other holidays, it is akin to the Scrooge who carries their freshly roasted and plump Christmas Turkey to the home of the poor, long enough for it to steam up their window, before walking off into the sunset leaving them with nothing.
There is no other day in the calendar, surely, which has the potential to cause such catastrophe, comical only for those watching on, whilst giving simply one night of peace in return! Of course, if you execute perfectly, you may get a week of peace with a little football or ‘how’s your father’ thrown in. And the really fortunate, or not as the case may be, get an affirmative answer to their contrived proposal to develop things from the ritual of Valentine to the sacrament of marriage.
That is, of course, a touch mischievous, but it has never been a day of massive significance for me, unless I was single and the Traffic Light Disco was in town … only then did I reach for the heavy artillery and ditch the Brut and Old Spice for the more discerning man’s choice of Aramis!! Even Dani and I very rarely did much more than a quiet meal out taken as the opportunity for a little spoiling.
That was then, of course, and it is a day that has maybe assumed additional significance in the period since she passed away in November 2009. It is the first landmark date of every calendar year, and it is a day when thought inevitably turns, whatever we might say, to those that we love, or in the cases of so many, have lost. In many respects, it says so very much about why she has been uppermost in my thoughts over these last few days and weeks. People who know no better assume that we just move on, and that we are clinical about getting on with our lives, almost that a light switch comes on after a year and all is well again. I suppose that it is easy to see why that may be a common thought process, but it is far from the truth.
That truth is that we never forget. We do move on – I have done so significantly in my life, am happy, and really excited at what the future holds both in my personal life, and also my relationship with God, which is also a hugely personal one. Being happy, however, does not equate to forgetting, or to being immune from emotion on significant dates. I do not expect a tear tomorrow, on the third passing of Valentine’s Day since her passing, because there have been several moments of note when that has not been so, but it would not surprise me either.
As I started, everyone has the answer, everyone knows how you feel, everyone is an expert. My advice is to lean on everyone anyway, but count on those who are happy in the knowledge that they may have it wrong, but are not too proud to smile at you, cry with you and put their arm around you.
Like Christmases and Birthdays, Valentine’s Day is just another which polarises those who are happy to have from those who are distraught not to … or so popular media and culture would have you believe. The fact is that we all ‘have’, but we often do not realise quite how much. I’ve everything that I could wish for tomorrow; the memories and recollections, and hopes and dreams … and the guarantee of no earache, slaps or knees to private places!! I will remember the most wonderful person that I have known, and look forward to the joy of life ahead. I will embrace, with a poignant tear, all that shaped me, and wipe it away with a smile at all that God gives me every day.
During my lunch break, I will lay a rose in the Prayer Chapel of St Martin’s. It is not a labour of grief, just a fond remembrance. After all, it would have been our first Valentine’s Day as a married couple – a surefire route to a day of trauma I hear you say, or is that just the mischievous cynic in me?
It is a day in which we can all reflect on what we have and look forward to what is yet to be. Savour every last moment, because someone has us in their thoughts, and that applies to every last one of us.
