I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me
Philippians 4:13

The white flag is an all too familiar companion in modern life. Modernity, opulence, technology and so many other facets of contemporary society combine to give options that many do not have. Simply speaking, it is too easy to circumvent difficulties, and it is why so many are so ill equipped to deal with challenge.

Panic, run, stress, never actually confronting the obstacles in our path. It is just too easy to throw away the keys for a new model – car, wife, job, religion … even gender! And yet, how often do we actually deal with the issues at hand? Well actually, we often do not, and that baggage remains with us as we start anew with an identikit that will eventually degenerate similarly.

Problem solving is not a strength of contemporary society, yet it is remarkably liberating and character building. We may make mistakes along the way, but there are few feelings to match the joy that comes with overcoming a personal nemesis.

It makes one a better person to have had hardships and to have overcome hardships and not to blame anybody else for your mistakes.
Maureen Forrester

It is, of course, wholly idealistic to think that we can all suddenly overcome every problem we have simply with endurance and character, but the ability to work through rather than run from life’s challenges is a priceless gift.

I spent the best part of a decade running from my own shadow. Depression and Bipolar gave me an opportunity to leave behind a string of broken friendships, allied to which alcohol and anger management issues did not a good bed mate make. Throw debt into this self-destructive cycle and I was an accident waiting to happen.

In reflection, it could have been dealt with so early, but pride did not allow me to admit that there were serious underlying issues in my life. I ran from my problems, and it does not matter how far or fast you run, or how you hide, they will never be overcome.

The problem that so many of us face is that we choose either to deal with our problems alone, or similarly to suffer them in silence. Sufferance in silence is perhaps the most dangerous route that anyone can take, and the one which most often leads to mental health issues.

However, there is always help and support, whatever the challenges we face, and however unlikely it may seem, whether it come in the shape of friends, professional guidance or charitable means.

There are few things as resilient and indomitable as human spirit when really tested. So many find such strength of character for which they would never have given themselves credit.

It is with such admiration that I see people who actually fight for principles, for health, and on occasion for dear life.

What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

In this past 2 years, I have observed and admired as people have overcome the most testing of circumstances. I have seen 3 people overcome Cancer, and watched my dear friend Stuart Rose prepare for a marathon despite the crippling effects of Multiple Sclerosis.

I have seen another dear companion, a man who would have soon become my brother-in-law, fight through the pain of losing a mother and sister within 6 months of each other. All of these because they were prepared to look their problem in the eye and able to withstand the intense pain that they would face on their journey, for very little is achieved without sacrifice or pain.

There were many, regardless of whether they admit it openly, that feared for my mental wellbeing after the death of my fiancée Danielle in November 2009. However, it was never an issue for me.

Do not for a minute get me wrong, because there have been more tears and heartache than I would care to mention during the intervening period, but not for a moment was I going back to whence I had come. Depression nearly killed me once, and I will never visit again, and that is a promise made with the mental strength with which to back it up.

In Christianity, the Gospel of Luke speaks of the cost of discipleship, and this can be related directly to that notion of sacrifice.

But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?
Luke 14:28

All that we achieve in life comes with such cost, and the cost of my spending 18 months ‘aggressively’ fighting bereavement and grief has been my health. I guardedly use the word aggressive, but what I mean by it is that I have consistently faced up to whatever emotional issues have been at hand, and dealt with them.

There have been additional issues that have not helped, not least the massive change in financial circumstances that came from becoming a 1 salary household after Danielle’s passing, and also changing jobs. The job move was essential and has been both beneficial and enjoyable, however at a crippling cost financially.

Added to the emotional fatigue of dealing with grief, the doctors genuinely feel that it was inevitable that I would malfunction eventually. However, there is no blame attached to anything or anyone, it is just the cost for successfully moving forward in my life.

The diagnosis given to me today of Chronic Fatigue hardly came as a shock, as through months of feeling unable to function on certain days, and a plethora of clear blood tests, it was anticipated.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Myalgic Encephalopathy can only be diagnosed, generally speaking, after 6 months of illness, and via a process of elimination after all other possibilities are exhausted.

I have only been ill for 5 months, and I like the fact that my doctor emphasised that I had Chronic Fatigue, which did not necessarily mean Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It may well be that I do, for all the symptoms would point in that direction, but the opinion of the medics is that I am suffering from acute exhaustion brought on by trauma, grief and stress, and that there is no reason why I should not be fully healthy in due course.

And quite simply I agree. I will be fully healthy, whether it be 3 weeks, 3 months or even 3 years. I have not overcome depression, the loss of my fiancée and the other events that have been associated with them, only to succumb to fatigue.

This is absolutely no disrespect to those who have to live with the pain and suffering of ME and CFS, for I admire them greatly, not least Samantha McInnes whose blog gives such an insight into dealing with this illness about which so much is said, and yet so little comparatively known.

There is a lot written about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and much of what is on the internet gives little hope to sufferers, but it is those with the sense to understand limitation but to continue living their lives, who gain such admiration.

If it turns out that this affects me over a longer period of time, I will have to make adjustments. As it is, I have already tried to make adjustments but have not been helped by the burden of work, and income generated only by commission.

However, I have already begun to take steps towards the future that I hope will eventuate, and that is one far from current circumstances. To follow my chosen route will mean P/T study for the next 4 years or so, but my current career is already more bearable for seeing light at the end of it.

Right now, I will continue to manage myself as best as I can, combining work with rest, and a restricted social life. What I will continue to do is have complete and utter Faith in Christ My Redeemer.

It is in Him, and by his love and mercy, that I have overcome the obstacles that I have faced in my life, and it is in Him that I gain strength every single day of my life. Had He not a purpose for me, there would have been no reason for him to save my life not only when I took an overdose as a foolish adult, but as an innocent 5 year old child suffering with Amoebic Dysentery.

I could not have so many opportunities of life without eventually living it properly in His eyes and in His service, and without His purpose. That journey already has an obstacle in the form of Chronic Fatigue, but one which will be overcome in faith, prayer, humility, and sensible management of self.

That journey could take several paths, but it will end with me in a position where I can help people that have or are facing the very same problems that I have encountered in my life. That is my purpose and it is God’s Calling for my life.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future
Jeremiah 29:11

I have not suffered, I have not for large portions of my life conducted myself in the manner in which I should. However, what I have learnt is that any problem can be overcome if someone has the desire, support and faith with which to prevail.

Your faith does not have to be religious if you are not, just in yourself and those around you. However, it is in my Faith, and the love of Christ that I humbly face any challenge put in front of me, knowing that I will be equipped with the tools to overcome them, and never tested beyond the point of endurance until the day that he calls me home.

That is why my only option is to prevail.

- Depression had the upper-hand over me but could not beat me.
- Bereavement knocked me out cold but I got up.
- The current crippling combination of work stress and acute fatigue has shaken me.

But none of them will defeat me, and that is the bottom line, for God gave his son, Jesus Christ, that all of us who believe in him shall have eternal life.

Sic enim Deus dilexit mundum, ut Filium suum unigenitum daret: ut omnis qui credit in eum, non pereat, sed habeat vitam æternam
John 3:16 – Vulgate Latin Translation