Through all the comic moments of the film Cool Runnings, I always seem to return to a solitary quote: “Hey coach, how will I know if I’m enough?”

I cannot be sure when or how it happens, but somewhere in our formative years, many of us find ourselves falling into the horrible trap of measuring success by wealth and status. In modern society, the yardsticks seem to edge towards the materialist as opposed to the compassionate.

Maybe it is something for which our parents are responsible, or possibly the rivalries between schools and even our favourite sports teams. It could be that the icons of Popular Culture are put on a pedestal and idolised, with the general feeling that success breeds money, which in turn breeds happiness. Either way, it often seems that society is infatuated with fame and, pointedly, by fortune, and the need to ‘better’ than everybody else.

I often wonder when we begun to measure ourselves and each other by the size of our houses, the make of our cars or even more ridiculously by the model of our phones. Is it only the idealist that still determines a person by the size of his or her heart? When was the point where being enough equated to having enough?

Through the catalogue of errors that was my twenties, I never really understood this conundrum. I had always heard that it was en vogue to ‘work hard and play hard’. So I worked by day, earning money, although not nearly enough for the excesses of partying and social life. I walked through life looking for the next circle of friends to impress with an expensive cocktail and exaggerated tale. I left in my path a trail of debts, lost friendships and unhappiness.

Was I enough? To myself, not nearly. To the shallow company that I chose, and to those for whom I worked and made money, I was more than enough.

Even as maturity hit home, I found myself married to my work, obsessed with earning every piece of revenue and promotion, spending scant time with either my family or my wonderful fiancée.

Was I enough? To myself, not nearly. To my fiancée, I don’t see how I could have been, although she would never say it. To those for whom I worked and made money, of course. I had become that person obsessed with status, bank balance and being seen in the ‘right places with the right people’.

To laugh often and much; to win the respect
of intelligent people and the affection of children …
to leave the world a better place …
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Several things happened to me that have changed my life immeasurably for the better. The most important was my fiancée Danielle. When you are loved, it is easy to love yourself and others. Contrary to popular opinion, you must love yourself and value yourself if you are to make anything in life. There is of course a difference between this love, and ‘being in love with self’, just as there is a key difference between self-awareness and self-obsession.

Dani’s death has given me an unexpected opportunity to to reflect on past actions, and to prioritise the things that are important. You will not be surprised to know that money, social rank, and work promotions are not at the top of this list.

I have found myself surrounded by the most incredible group of genuine and wonderful friends, each of whom I would entrust with my own life. They have given me the strength and courage to get through the most testing period of my life. This is more valuable than any material gain.

Let me just point out that money is important, whether people like it or not, but only to the point of being comfortable. I would much rather anything that I didn’t require to be put to good use … Haiti perhaps, Cancer and Autism Research, or the likes of Victoria Tremlett as featured yesterday.

Victoria personifies the positive part that Social Media has played in my life. Twitter, for example, has allowed me to interact with so many inspirational individuals each of whom are able to have such a positive impact on others whom they have often not met. To see ‘virtual strangers’ sharing common goals and themes is testament to what people can achieve together.

The simple fact is that fulfilment and happiness comes from within. It is about how you live, not by what means. It is about the impact that you know that you have on others, not by what you need others to say. It is about looking in the mirror every morning in happiness rather than acceptance of what you see, and promising to make at least one person smile that day.

Success means doing the best we can with what we have.
Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph.
Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest  within us,
becoming all that we can be.
Zig Ziglar

So how am I now enough? I simply know that I am. Life is about perception, none more important than the perception of self. I am no longer a whore to materialism and ‘success’, and I refuse to spend every waking minute in the pursuit of career goals.

Instead, I have made a vow to spend some time each and every day in pursuit of my individual goals, and those of the people that are special to me. I no longer need people around me constantly, because Dani taught me how to love spending time with myself.

Resolve to be thyself; and know that he who finds himself, loses his misery
Matthew Arnold

I still know how to party and enjoy myself, I just became selective about those with whom I do so. I still love my job, I simply stopped being obsessed by having to be the best. The reason why … I am enough!